The value of lifelong friendships

I consider myself fulfilled and truly happy about 90% of the time. Because of that, I also consider myself extremely lucky. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people who can’t say the same.

In asking myself “what is truly unique about my life that has led to a deep sense of happiness and fulfillment?” there are some obvious major advantages I can point to – a loving family, having access to resources and support throughout my life, a good education and career, and many lifestyle changes in recent years that have helped considerably. However, there are plenty of people who have similar advantages and don’t consider themselves fulfilled and truly happy.

Something in my life that I believe is truly rare at my age is that I’ve had the same core group of close friends since elementary school. And we’re not just old friends who stay in touch – we talk to each other every day.

I believe this is one of the single greatest contributors to my overall sense of fulfillment and happiness. Here are a few reasons why:

I have multiple people outside of my family that I can literally trust with my life.

The power of deep, trusting relationships and their impact on our overall wellbeing isn’t a groundbreaking discovery, but most people have only one or two of these relationships outside their immediate family.

The compounding effect that occurs with each additional relationship (and each additional year) with this level of trust is powerful. If you count each friendship individually, we have over 300 years of combined close friendship between each other, anchored in a deep sense of loyalty and trust.

My friends and I have been through a lot together over the years – successes and failures in academics and athletics, new relationships and breakups, promotions at work and job losses, and even addictions and deaths of loved ones. But no matter what, we have each other to lean on at a moment’s notice during life’s best and worst moments.

My close, long-term friendships keep me grounded.

It’s hard to get a big head when you have a group of friends who have known you at your most awkward phases of life. Anytime I feel like my ego is getting too big, I can trust my friends to keep me in check and remind me where I came from.

On the flip side, having close, lifelong friendships keeps me from ever getting too down on myself. Over the years, there have been many disappointments in my life that have always been made better by checking in with my friends. Knowing that I have a huge network of support around me prevents the lows from ever getting too low.

We’re never too impressed with one another, but we’re always extremely proud of one another. That feels like a healthy balance to me.

Acceptance of my friends’ imperfections helps me accept my own imperfections and the imperfections of others.

When you’ve known someone well for a long time, you get to see how imperfect they are. Again, most of us get to see this in our families, but rarely see it in other relationships, especially as we get older.

Most of our adult friendships are more surface level friendships – we see these people as trusted colleagues, classmates, neighbors, etc. and intuitively know that their lives aren’t always easy, but don’t necessarily get to see their imperfections play out in their lives on a regular basis. But by not seeing this, we’re missing out – this is where the real, deep learning about and understanding of other people occurs.

No one handles every situation perfectly. Having a front row seat to this reality on a regular basis gives me a greater sense of empathy and serves as a mirror for my own imperfections. My friends and I are far from perfect. The more I get to see this, the more I understand and appreciate the beauty of everyone’s imperfections, especially my own.

The fact that I’ve had the same core group of close friends since elementary school has given me a greater sense of trust, humility, and empathy ­– all key contributors to fulfillment and happiness in my life. Not to mention all the additional benefits decades-long friendships. Continuing to build and invest in these friendships takes time and energy, but I continue to receive so much more in return.